Lost in Victoria

Despite London being my home I felt somewhat disorientated while waiting at Victoria for a visitor the other weekend.

It is truly the London terminal. Waterloo International may have more stylish clientelle, Heathrow the more cosmopolitan jetset but this is the nuts and bolts of international travel in and out of London even in 2005. Not once did I see a Greenline bus at the Victoria Greenline station; some were National Express, others Megabus (the Ryanair of the roads and now dubbed 'Maybe Bus' given that Saturday's performance) but the vast majority seemed to be Czech or Polish coaches.

We don't make it easy for our visitors though: a vast sprawling railway terminus, underground station, bus station and two coach stations. Overheard one 'Glastonbury type' looking for Gate 9 and did my good deed for the day pointing out there wasn't a Gate 9 at the Victoria Greenline coach station and that she needed to be at Victoria Coach Station.

However such confusion wasn't the reason for my feeling lost: I can do transport logistics in a jot! Perhaps it was the unfamiliarity of coach travel or of the demographic. The occasional swarm of backpacks, the diesel engine bass line and the cigarette fumes: stocking up before a long trip.

Victoria knows and exploits the demographic though: fast food hall hell, the poshest place being a Cafe Rouge cringingly pronounced 'Rowge' by a couple of middle aged (English) women. Little cafes are also set to extract the last bit of sterling by charging £2.50 for a fruit juice: a final kick in the back pocket from the UK.

That Saturday was mad in the capital anyway with Live8, various marches, tennis finals etc. Maybe that added to the lost feeling. I'm still convinced for the need for an exam before anyone steps foot on the busy streets of London: Escalator and Pavement Etiquette 101 would be a good start.